out as long as they were in

out as long as they were in

• 6.28.2018

I was pregnant for 33 weeks and the twins are now 33 weeks old. What!

Because I got so big, so fast - carrying two babies at the time - it felt like I was pregnant forever. But looking back on it now, I feel like the pregnancy flew by. I cannot believe the twins will be ONE in just a few short months.

I'm going to say something potentially controversial - I didn't like being pregnant. It was fine and I was grateful to have minimal complications despite being high risk. But I didn't feel like a goddess or extra womanly or energized by creating life. Being pregnant felt like the necessary means to have a child (or children) of our own.

I'm not really sure why it's controversial to dislike being pregnant. It's like this big secret. But I think it's ok. I connected much more with my babies once they were on the outside (and home from the NICU). Despite growing them inside me, I felt quite detached from the process. When I saw ultrasound photos, it's was nearly impossible to imagine them inside me.

Of course I felt them moving which was cool but also often uncomfortable. And I feel so lucky that we were able to have kiddos that share our genes as I know many long for this. But I think it's important to be honest about our experiences.

I'm proud of what my body accomplished but I'm ready to get back in shape. I don't want the fact that I carried twins to be an excuse for saggy skin and separated abs. I want to be a strong mom who can lift her 17lb babies without grunting.

I'm ready to put the pregnancy and the trauma behind me. I have two healthy, happy, thriving babies who need a strong, healthy, happy mama.

There's approximately 931 weeks left until they are 18.